Yes it’s that time of year again to reflect upon the past year and learn from the experiences, good or bad. 

2009 has been a personally challenging year for me –as mentioned in my letter last year, my dad had been diagnosed with stomach cancer in the latter part of last year. He had had a stomach operation to improve his quality of life as he had not been able to eat and also to remove the cancer. However as they had warned us, whilst the surgery was successful, the cancer had spread beyond the stomach. It was therefore a matter of time. But we did not think that the spread would be as rapid as it was. In January and February, he was feeling weak and not able to eat much but then towards March it looked like he was improving. We all thought he might have chemotherapy for the cancer but they decided he was too weak to withstand the treatment. And so it was in June that he finally passed away. During his last month, unable to eat and drink, he had become a skeleton, unable to walk and who had to be cared for by others. Whilst mentally he was still very alert, in his last few days, he could barely speak and in the end, we were actually relieved when he finally passed away. To see him suffering as he did, broke our hearts, especially as he had always been so active and strong. And yet as soon as he was gone, we missed his presence, his calming influence, his humour, his love for travelling and family get togethers. To me he was my hero, a person I admired, trusted and loved, a friend and a confidant who you could share your feelings with and know he would not divulge any secrets, who would always give you good advice and who made you see the other viewpoint. I miss him very much but know that he needed to move on and hope that he is happy wherever he is.

2009 was also a difficult year as this year more than most, our lives were affected by so many young tragic deaths. In March a friend’s young son, same age as Nikhil and who had just started at Nottingham doing exactly the same course that Arjun was wanting to do at Nottingham, passed away. I used to meet his mum Jyoti on the train on and off and all our conversations revolved around our children, since her daughter had studied Maths like Nikhil and Saagar was doing Maths and Economics as Arjun wanted to do. Saagar also knew Nikhil and Arjun as they were at Mount Stewart together for a few years and later they used to meet up on Friday evenings for bike rides with some other friends. His death was a complete shock (within a week of being ill) and to this day it is incomprehensible how such a young fit life can be snatched away so suddenly. As if that wasn’t enough, a friend’s daughter died in a freak car accident, a young successful banker committed suicide and then a friend’s neighbours’ 2 children passed away within the space of a few months. All in all it has been a sobering realisation to reflect that death is not confined to the elderly and how fragile life is at any point.

February 2009 was Hitesh’s 50^th birthday and also Arjun’s 18^th birthday in March. Initially I had no plans to celebrate – February is a busy time at work anyway so we just went out for a meal at a restaurant for Hitesh’s birthday. However, then we decided to have a jamvanu (pretty much last minute) for Arjun’s birthday in a hall and invite all the relations. By this time kaka had been looking as if he was getting better and it was a lovely celebration. I’d written a long poem for Nikhil’s 18^th to celebrate and record his life thus far, and so of course the pressure was on to do the same for Arjun. As with other things, the 2^nd child rarely gets the attention that the first gets, so it was with the poem which was scribbled rather hastily over a couple of days. But everyone was impressed especially Arjun. 

In April over Easter we had planned a family skiing break and took the car to 3 Valleys. Arjun had been unable to go the previous year and was really looking forward to it. Nikhil had been in December with the university, but a skiing holiday is not one that either of the boys are likely to ever turn down. As expected, the boys were far too good for us but generally would stick with us in the mornings and then do their jumps and other acrobatics in the afternoon. Lucky I was not there to see all this live otherwise I would have had heart attacks. The videos are bad enough! It was great going as a family and having some quality time bonding. 

After Easter, Arjun started getting down to revision in earnest. He’d set his heart on Nottingham and therefore needed 3As. 

We had a 5 day break planned for Spain, courtesy of Mina and Rahul who have an apartment there – they came as well as Manish, Geetu and Ishani. So it was another bonding holiday, this time with the siblings. The apartment was beautiful, situated on a golf course and we had lovely weather. We made the most of it by visiting nearby beaches, but the water was still fairly cold to swim in.  

Arjun was left to fend for himself during this time, Nikhil already at university. 

In between these 2 trips we had been visiting Kaka and it was disheartening to see how rapidly he was going down. Still he asked about us and what we were up to and never complained of any problems. By May he’d become virtually bed bound. Unable to take in any water even , he’d become withered. Despairing as to what to do, we eventually got him admitted to hospital as an emergency. The doctors were shocked at how dehydrated he was and administered saline and glucose drips round the clock. For the first couple of days, he looked radiant again, he could speak as he was not so hoarse. So we all perked up and thought he was on the road to recovery. But alas! Our euphoria was short lived and he started throwing up again and unable to eat. After about 10 days in hospital he was released again as there was nothing further they could do. 

And so it was that essentially he was brought back home to die peacefully in a familiar environment.

His rapid deterioration of health was a shock to everyone but we had so many people rallying around to help. He had so many visitors and so many phone calls on a daily basis. All of us stayed around when we could to assist and spend time with him and even my cousins came from Kenya and India to visit him. All of this showed us, if we didn’t know it already, how popular and charismatic a figure he was and that he was going to be sorely missed. Nikhil and Arjun had also been coming regularly to visit their beloved grandfather and he would still ask them about their studies and sports. All the grandchildren found it particularly distressing to watch him deteriorate.

He even got to meet the latest addition to our family, Jainam, my sister’s grandson. Kaka had been hanging on we felt until he had seen us all. In fact he passed away 3 days after my sister and family had arrived from the States. 

When he finally passed away on 5 June, it was a relief but there were tears from everyone who knew him. None of the grandchildren needed to be prompted to say something at the sadadi or funeral. They all wanted to express their deep respect and admiration for him. Hinesh summed it up when he said that ‘Kaka was the perfect gentleman.’

2 weeks after Kaka passed away, we went to Sri Lanka. The trip had been organised in March when Kaka had been looking like he was improving, in fact I had even asked him whether he fancied coming as he loves travelling and normally jumps at the invitation, but he declined this time saying he would do so once he got better. 

Mentally we had decided that we would not go if Kaka was still around but since it had been 2 weeks and all the rituals had finished, we went ahead. Sri Lanka is a beautiful place and we had a relaxing holiday but all my thoughts revolved around Kaka. We had taken lots of Kaka’s clothes to distribute there and 2 days after we got there it was Father’s day. So it was a poignant day to do this. We also took some more clothes with us when we toured the island and gave them to grateful locals. It was an emotional time, so soon after Kaka’s death but the holiday gave us time to reflect on him and also a chance to recommence writing my biography about my parents again. Once he had been diagnosed with cancer, Kaka had told me that I should finish this before he passed away but somehow I had not been able to do this. My regret is that he never really got to see or read what I had already written since I only printed this out when he was bed ridden and at this point he really was not too interested.      

After Sri Lanka, it was busy at work with the half year – in the middle of which fell our 25^th wedding anniversary on 12 July. We had nothing special planned and went for a charity walk in the morning, after which we went to a cousin’s son’s engagement.

A few days after this, my uncle, my mum’s only brother passed away in India. This was quite a blow for my mum coming just six weeks after my dad’s death. My uncle was a similar age to my dad but had passed away peacefully. But my mum is a strong woman and as with all people of that generation, they take things in their stride. And so it was that she stoically bore the burden of both her husband and her brother’s death so well. It was karma, it was all meant to be.  

The boys had both finished school / university in June. Arjun actually finished his exams on the day that we flew to Sri Lanka – Nikhil had finished about a few weeks earlier. I was worried that Kaka’s death might affect  Arjun in the rest of his exams especially as he had all the physics exams to still sit. I kept reminding him that the way to make his grandfather proud of him was to do well in his exams. When the results did come through in August, however, he got his 3 As and so secured his place at Nottingham.

Nikhil had sailed though his first year, doing the minimum academically, but playing lots of squash – he is the captain of the University’s first team. Arjun was finally leaving Parmiters and was really quite emotional as he and Nikhil had absolutely loved the place.  

In August Arjun and a friend went inter railing around Eastern Europe – they had a fabulous time. Nikhil and his friend went mid August and had an equally amazing time. As both said, they’ve now caught the travel bug. I used to despair when they were younger and never wanted to anywhere on holiday except for skiing holidays!

In August it was the Jain paruyshan festival and so many people had remarked how Kaka was going to be sadly missed for this in the east area as he used to do some readings etc. My mum used to go to the hall everyday and she bid for the Mahavir Bhagvan’s cradle on one of the days as no-one wanted to take it. So we had some rituals at home which lots of people came to. This was really the first big gathering at Mayfair Avenue since, Kaka’s death. Again his presence was sorely missed.  Following the paryushan festival, we had a dinner (savantsari bhojan) which for the East area was sponsored by my mum. Initially we had agreed with Kaka that he should sponsor it, – we were hoping that looking forward to this event would give him an incentive to fight on but it was not to be. So we decided to keep it in his memory. We were allowed to invite 200 people to this event. Previously when Kaka was alive and had sponsored the event, he’d dealt with all the invitations . Ba could not handle all this especially as she was unable to give the address to people. And so it fell to all of us. Again Kaka’s presence was sorely missed. But it was a lovely event in his memory and to hear other people talk to you about your father in such loving terms was wonderful.  

In September, both boys were now getting ready to go to University. Arjun had secured a place in his first choice hall and was raring to go. We dropped him off on 20 September and Nikhil went the following weekend. And so it was down to the 2 of us. I found it really lonely without Arjun especially as he had this habit of giving me a wonderful shoulder and neck massage on a daily basis- just for a minute or so but it was wonderful. I also missed his banter and wit. 

He on the other had made lots of new friends already and was not at all homesick even loving all the food! He’d managed to get into the badminton first team and also into the squash team. So he’s got a hectic social life, hectic sports life, and is also enjoying the academic challenges. 

Nikhil has realised being the first team captain entails quite a bit of work- they are in the top University league and in the premier league so he has to organise the team, the training,  transport, and hotels for when they have a weekend of matches. Also as he is now living in a house, he has to do his own catering – a lot of stir fry! On top of that , this being his second year, the pressure is on for him to get an internship next summer to then be in a better position to get a job when he graduates. It is an intensive process, filling in very detailed applications , then on line numeracy and verbal tests which are quite demanding and then if you get through those, a grilling first interview and finally a 2^nd interview which is even more intensive. I never thought I’d say this but we definitely had it easy in our days! 

In October my cousin’s son and family came over from Australia. Kaka had visited them in Australia (the only one in our family to do so) and had had a wonderful time. So we had been telling Kaka that Sanjay was coming in October giving him yet another incentive but it was going to be too late. It was lovely to see Sanjay , Bindi, Jaini and Reyen and we had a great get together at my cousin’s house on Diwali day to meet and catch up with them and all the rest of our joint family. Again Kaka’s presence was sorely missed.   

In October prior to Diwali, Hitesh and I took advantage of the kids not being at home (not that that had stopped us before) and cheap Ryan air flights to go a for a couple of days to Trieste. It was a  wonderful mini break – the weather was lovely and the city is beautiful.

Once back from this mini break I had decided to do compressed hours and therefore be able to work a 4 day week. I had also decided to spend more time with my mum as she is now living on her own, so from October I’ve been staying Monday and Tuesday nights at my mum’s. It gives her some company and she looks forward to the visits.

In late October , she’d fallen down but had not told any of us. A few weeks later she told us and complained of her shoulder and back hurting. When I checked this it was all bruised and black. But she absolutely refused to go to the hospital. A few weeks later she started complaining about her hand hurting. Manjula finally persuaded her to be taken by hospital and she was told that her hand was fractured. She’s now got a plaster and arm in a sling so not able to do anything. It is now quite worrying that she is on her own but she absolutely does not want to go anywhere else. 

We’d already planned a trip with my sister and husband to South of France for a few days in December (courtesy of cheap Ryan air tickets again) – the boys had already broken up and gone skiing with the university. We flew to Cap D’agde, a beautiful beach resort west of Montpellier. It was deserted and really cold but sunny. We had a lovely time visiting the surrounding area, including the canal du midi, Beziers, Montpellier (where I had studied for a year), Aigues Mortes (a walled city) and the beautiful beaches.

We were back a few days before the boys came back and before all the heavy snowfalls and temperature drop leading to chaos. The boys were stranded in Calais for over 7 hours waiting to come home. But they both had an amazing time as the snow was great and it was sunny for most of the week.

As I write this, they are both chilling at home, metaphorically as well as literally as it’s still very cold, the garden’s covered with a blanket of snow, the top layer of which has crystallised into ice. 

Nikhil has been applying for summer internships after much nagging .As mentioned before the process is really intensive. He’s had a 2^nd interview with J P Morgan and is currently waiting to hear from them, and from other banks that he’s applied to. My work has kept me really busy. There is so much coming out of accounting standard setters, regulators, EU, etc that we can barely keep up. All of it requires yet more disclosure and we are trying to operate on a shoe string budget with creaking systems. So work is getting busier and more challenging (or actually just plain difficult) by the day. 

RBS has been in the spotlight all year but the threat of full nationalisation which was looking to be a distinct possibility in January/ February this year, seems to have waned. However it is difficult to see when there will be a light at the end of the tunnel.

I am now looking forward to a few days break from all the above, recharge my batteries and spend time with the children and also my mum and family and friends.     

Wishing you all a wonderful Xmas and peaceful New Year – hope that 2010 is a peaceful and successful year for you and you achieve everything that you plan to do.